ennui...and the postmodern condition

it's two thousand fucking seven, bitches!

2007-01-14T12:43:00.000-05:00

This morning I ordered take out with Brandyn before work. We ate food and watched "Humanzee" from the Science Channel. And yea, it turned out to just be a mutant chimp...whatevs.
my point...
I was putting on my shoes to leave for work (chronically 5 minutes late) and I saw this whispy smoke stuff drifting by the kitchen window. I guess I was staring or something cause B was like "What is wrong with you?"
I asked if he saw the stuff outside the window too and he did. Then we opened the window to see if maybe something was on fire, like the building next door...but it wasn't getting hot in the apartment so we guessed probably no, no fire.
*note: we live in an apartment in the back of the building so our view is a fantastic one of the other surrounding buildings. we are also on the 5th floor.
So, anyway, I leave for work and lo and behold, once I can see the sky, it's obvious...it's fucking fog. Yea. B and I are idiots.

In other news: I'm retardedly in love.

2 + 2 = 5?

2006-11-04T11:26:00.000-05:00

I don't know why it took so long for my dumbass to put this equation together.

Why did I start this blog to begin with? Boring job plus idiotic tenants equals hilarious blog.

I may be in a new state and it's not that this job is boring, it's just that well, I really have NO RESPONSIBILITY! It's fanfuckingtastic. The tenants are still idiots but at least I don't have to deal with the ones that already live here. And I have the entertainment of coworkers.

I deleted the previous two posts on my march 2006 crush. He was a jerk. I had almost forgotten that I even had a crush on this guy...whatta fuck he turned out to be.

Anyway...I'm pretty fuckin' tired today. The good times are killing me.

out of control

2005-11-28T06:46:00.000-05:00

B and I were going to walk to the Brooklyn Bridge. Before we got there the city kind of ended. The shore around the bridge was brittle with dry grass and prickly briars and a few low boarded up buildings. The sky was gray and the day chilly. I was wearing jeans and a charcoal gray hooded sweatshirt a couple sizes too big and gray sneakers. I was thinking that this was not something I usually wore and almost wanted to go home and change. Brooklyn was visible in the distance. For some reason, it appeared to have an empty shore and sandy dunes. The shadows of amusement park rides, their lights flashing, were clustered around a small tip of the shore. Although the screams and laughter were audible on the breeze, I had ne feeling of longing to join the festivities. We were making our way to the top of some stairs that led down to the bridge. I had removed my shoes and B said "careful, they're pokey," about the tall dried knots of grass along the edge of the shore. I stepped squarely in the middle of one and looked over the side. The enormous fall made me dizzy. However there was a breaker of some sort, I supposed it was to stop people from falling, but I still felt sick to my stomach and unable to go on. I climbed through the railing and onto the stairs. They were supposed to lead down to the bridge's beginning, but in front of me they didn't seem to continue. I sat down on the stairs with my shoes beside me. In front of me water dropped off the negative edge of the seemingly endless cliff. Somehow, a tide was surging and the water surrounded me as though I were on a tiny island consisting of 3 steps and the handrail. Occasionally the water would hit me. B kept asking me if I was alright, but I couldn't shake my dizzy nauseated feeling. I was also shaking badly. B asked if I was going or not, and although I could not see him I answered. I said I had just gotten wet and raised a half-soaked arm. He said we would go and change. I was trying to climb up the embankmet and through the railing. I was having a hard time and I had left my shoes by the stairs. B said they didn't matter. But I asked him to bring them to me. I noticed something fall out of my pocket and it was a metal one hitter, the kind shaped like a cigarette, but this one was painted like a rolled up dollar bill. It made a clanking noise as it fell striking the metal bars of the railing. I climbed down the progress I had made and grabbed the pipe. As I was returning to my climb I saw a small overhang sheilding a burned glass crack pipe and some other brown pipe-looking thing that I referred to in my mind as a hippy pipe. The "hippy pipe" had a U-shaped protrusion that had a small flame on the end. And I thought to myself, someone was just here, and they were smoking crack. I could see the rock in the bowl of the pipe. Then I noticed a large black lumpy looking thing just underneath the rails where I was climbing. It was battered and beaten looking. I had the sinking feeling that there was a person concealed under those black folds. The brim of the black tattered cowboyish hat lifted and I face, I could not tell if it was black or white because it was so dirty and caked with grime, looked back at me. Wordlessely, he parted his lips in a grimace of a smile. He had no teeth and his eyes were nothing but empty black holes.

Because Inquiring Minds Want To Know

2005-11-10T09:18:00.000-05:00

you know you're overdue for some love!!

It's 9:24 in the am.
I woke up this morning to metal and Brandyn saying, "this is the best christian band ever."
okaaayyy
and I am going to Boston tomorrow to see my Dad while he is there
so I thought maybe clean clothes that don't smell like a bar were in order
I gathered my laundry and ran it to the Chino across the street
and
as I was on my way there, in the stairwell downstairs was a package with MY NAME on it!
I smoked a cigarette
retrieved the package
and TADA it was my Steve Madden boots, ordered over a month ago!
They rock.
I am wearing them right now. in my undies and a hoodie.
It's pretty hot.
Watching the Today show.
One project to finish, and one test to go and this week is O V E R
and
I gotta date with the Rob Lowe lookalike tonight, he's buying the drinks!
Score.

idiocracy

2005-10-15T05:30:00.000-04:00

5:30 am....drunk chatting and watching synchronized TV (Score...with Ryan Cabrera)
BiGGGcheese = Linds
mshotnessherself = me

BiGGGcheese: P(
BiGGGcheese: that was supposed to be a frown
mshotnessherself: I know
mshotnessherself: I canyt type rright now , luaghing
BiGGGcheese: he was wearing an eyepatch! ahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAH
mshotnessherself: i keep puttin gmy hands on the wrong keys...and typing the stupidest shit
mshotnessherself: who I wasn't looking?
BiGGGcheese: P)
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAHAH
mshotnessherself: hehehehahha
mshotnessherself: og o lrrr[ truomnh
BiGGGcheese: omg
mshotnessherself: hahahha
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAHAH
mshotnessherself: stupid home row typing in the dark bullshit
BiGGGcheese: i agree
BiGGGcheese: i had so many issues i had to turn the lamp on
BiGGGcheese: i'm not so sure how good it's doing
mshotnessherself: I should..I really should
BiGGGcheese: you should turn off the tv
BiGGGcheese: this is garbage
mshotnessherself: I am not even watching...
mshotnessherself: 'u cannda
mshotnessherself: what the fuck?
mshotnessherself: seriously can I type tonight?
mshotnessherself: I was trying to sya...I can hear it though...it's shit
BiGGGcheese: oh i'm def not watchin but i can hear it and it's AWFUL

one more time...

2005-10-13T17:01:00.000-04:00

guess who has WAY too much time on her hands...and photoshop...
check out me and Ryan Cabrera!

biggest nerd ever!

2005-10-13T16:37:00.000-04:00

All Play and No School Makes LinC a NERD! (to the max)
I have been watching so much crappy daytime television, I think I am seriously losing my mind.
Just today, I have watched babies be born, a trucker get a makeover, Rachel Ray cook a tasty meal in just 30 minutes, a nerd be made into a cheerleader, and now...
the show on MTV hosted by (my favorite) Ryan Cabrera! called Score.
yes, yes, slowly but surely my mind is rotting away.
but I tell you, it's not my fault. I got up early today to deliver my paperwork to the hospital, and when I called to make sure the lady was there, she wasn't...
she won't be back until tomorrow...which means I have to get up early and do this all over again. Plus a Brazilian. Ouch!

best picture EVER

2005-10-13T02:36:00.000-04:00

now, and only now, life makes sense

2005-10-12T16:54:00.000-04:00

I have three words...I FUCKING GET IT!

All day today, it has sounded like there was someone in my hall closet banging on pipes. I mean obviously there was no one in my closet, but apparently somewhere in the building.

Then, about 10 minutes ago, I started to smell this kinda warm (kitchen oven type warm) smell.

And this smell is in my apartment, though I am not currently cooking anything.

Of course, today with the rain and sub-55 degree weather, it feels like mid-winter to me. Yea, I know when real winter comes, I'm gonna get it.

So, this pipe thingie in the corner of my apartment. By the window to the fire escape. I had been warned previously that it would get so very hot, that in December I would be sporting open windows...and yea, that's what it is. That pipe...it's getting warm.

I just felt it.

Why I love Ms. Reagan and Myself more than anyone!

2005-10-12T16:48:00.000-04:00

SCENE: I filled out some dumb survey, which then caused Linds to fill out the same damn survey. One of the questions was who's your current best friend...and this is a segment from our AIM conversation about said survey
(BiGGGcheese = Linds)
(mshotnessherself = me)

mshotnessherself: I like how you don't have mike in your best friends....
mshotnessherself: did he see me type that?
mshotnessherself: asdf
mshotnessherself: sdasd
mshotnessherself: f
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAHAHHAHA
mshotnessherself: I am such a choad...
BiGGGcheese: omg that cracked me the fuck up
BiGGGcheese: ajskljf
BiGGGcheese: HAHAHAAH
mshotnessherself: me too I ca' t breathe right now
mshotnessherself: I was trying to get it off the screen
mshotnessherself: it made sense at the time
BiGGGcheese: i know that's why it's cracking me up
mshotnessherself: I am crying I am laughing so hard
BiGGGcheese: i get it i just imagine you panicking and hitting buttons
BiGGGcheese: me too omg
mshotnessherself: yea and i can tell you that exactly how you see it in your head is exactly how it happened here
BiGGGcheese: i wasn't even that bad of a thing to say
mshotnessherself: I know!
BiGGGcheese: ok tears.
BiGGGcheese: jesus.

random goodness

2005-10-12T02:59:00.000-04:00

I worked on my painting tonight. It's been 10 months at least since I last touched it.
I drank a whole bottle (big 'un) of grape juice and it was grapey.
I was cuddling my little cat and the big cat was giving me the death look.
My TA didn't show up to my MassCom discussion class today.
I don't have school until Monday.
I am aiming with my best friend right now...and again...now.
I am going to be a sexy pirate for Halloween.
I already have my costume stuff.
Arrrgghhh Matey!

gunna do it, doit doit.

2005-10-12T02:28:00.000-04:00

So, in my previous post, I was skeptical about medical school...not no mo'
I made up my mind to just do it. I wanna have a good life and a job I love and really yes, yes I am a science nerd. Discovery Health is one of my favorite channels. Right after the Food Network...so according to my television preferences, I am going to be a fat doctor. Better than Kirstie Alley though, yes?
I got a volunteer position at a nearby cancer center. Heh. I am going to be working in "discharge management"
hahahahahahhah...okay so not only am I going to be a fat doctor, I am going to be a fat nerdy doctor to whom life is still nothing but dick and fart jokes.
In all, I am pretty darn excited about life right now. I love NYC. I really like my school, and probably will more so when I am actually in classes that I want to take.
In other exciting news, my B gets back on Saturday. I can't wait!! He's been gone far far far too long. I don't like living alone. I want my roommate back.
Almost WELCOME HOME DONG!

I almost forgot about this place!

2005-09-01T16:18:00.000-04:00

Soooooooooooo.....
I officially made it out of Arizona, well that was some time ago and have now officially settled into life in NYC.

And by officially settled I mean, I started school Monday, but up until then I acted as though this was just one big vacation with my own apartment included. So. No job.

I had a thought today that I might like to go to medical school. But I hate sick people, and old people, and hospitals, and blood, and dead people...yes, especially dead people. But I kinda wanna be a psychiatrist. I do like sick-in-the-head people. But that means I have to deal with dead people. At least once in my medical school career. Medical school would be a nice for the family to talk about way to stay in school and thus avoid getting another crappy job for a much longer amount of time than I was considering when I first moved out here to go back to school. It just might do.

So I guess there is a lot to talk about, but I kinda really don't want to now. I am gonna try and keep this thing up again, but it really does get hard when you're actually doing things with your day and not bored at a crappy job.

Te amo.

blisters suck....suck hard

2005-06-09T23:02:00.000-04:00

Back in May, on the 21st, I got a blister. It's cause: a pair of new shoes from New York that were undeniably cute until they took chunks out of my poor little feet.
It is now June 9th. Not only do I still have this blister, but it is worse. I haven't been able to wear real shoes in weeks....weeks! Today at work, I noticed a very icky substance doing something that could be described only as "ooooozing" from the wound.
This caused me to go in the back office, raid the first aid kit, and perform minor emergency surgery.
Needless to say, this was to the dismay of my boss and fellow co-workers. I mean doesn't everyone LOVE the Discovery Health Channel as much as I? Not the case.
So now, it is mere hours after my astounding surgical performance, and not only does the blister hurt, but my whole leg hurts now. In fact, it hurts so bad I can barely walk. This caused my hypochondriac self to go searching on WebMD for all sorts of horrible ailments I could come down with due to unsanitary surgery with a saftey pin and alcohol wipes.
It turns out, that a popped blister that becomes infected can lead to a staph infection. And a staph infection can turn into gangrene. And gangrene can cause real doctors to amputate your leg.
So I am going to be legless soon. This is very disturbing to me as I just recently signed the lease on my new apartment in Manhattan. And it is a third floor walk up. If I only have one leg, this could be very bad.
I want my leg back...
in fact I think that the infection has infected my brain because I am feeling rather delirious.

Worst Blogger Ever

2005-06-08T03:25:00.000-04:00

That would be me....being as that it is already June.

Here's the quick recap:
1. April = so long ago I don't remeber
2. May = got my apartment in NYC and subsequently mad at B for not making up his mind before I got it. And our roommate moved out, taking with her my handpainted Italian shoes and my rockin' Pirates Arrrrrgh Cool teeshirt. And I went to Vegas with my kickass new coworker. And left my sunglasses. And got really drunk with British doctors.
3. June = happening right now, so here's the most info.

I still haven't packed...a...thing...
I am moving on the 24th.
I have to work until the 20th.
I have an entire garage to clean out in addition to the apartment.
My cats are getting sedatives.
I should probably get sedatives.
I have to spend 5 days in a mini-van with my mother and the two cats.
I am super tired right now and therefore end this post before it gets any more boring.

Last Thought:
It always seems like a good idea to see how hard you can hit and get hit by your girlfriends. At 2am outside the bar....
....the next day, not so much.

best week ever!

2005-03-23T20:12:00.000-05:00

It came today! My acceptance letter from Hunter College. What, you may ask, is Hunter College? And I would answer...a fabulous part of the City Univerity of New York. That's right. In Manhattan. I will be moving there this July.
How I am feeling right now:

excited...to move to New York
nervous...about leaving Arizona
terrified...of cleaning out my storage garage
sad...about leaving everyone I love here
intimidated...by trying to move two cats across the country
overwhelmed...by all there is to do between now and July
but mostly...
ABSOFUCKINLUTELY STOKED! I'm moving to New York Bitches!

In other good news...

My cousin is coming this weekend to visit me. The first person other than my parents to visit me in the six years I have lived here. I love her forever for it. I already have a marvelous weekend planned for us. The PV tomorrow night upon her arrival (yessss...they have Journey on the jukebox). Friday night at the Hot Stink...er Pink. Saturday = biking for beers if we can find enough extra bikes. And Sunday before she leaves there is an option to either hike with the Sunday Hiking Crew or drink beer with the Spunday picnic....we shall see how Saturday night leaves us.

In other news...

The j0b...still sucks, but I feel as though I have new life for it since I konw for a fact it is not permanent. I have hope on my horizon. But since my boss is being an evil bitch lately, it stilll might be harder than I am thinking. We have a "meeting" tomorrow and apparently shit is going to go down. *hope for the best*

Snottsdale

2005-03-05T03:51:00.000-05:00

In every city, there is that part of town that is the height of current fashion, hairstyles, and plastic surgery. Here, that is Scottsdale. In Scottsdale, the ladies are all blonde, extra thin, scantily clad, and very well endowed chesticularly. What is great about Scottsdale is that these "women" (if you will) are always more than willing to show you their plastic features for a few awe-stricken "wow"s. Now, fellas don't get too excited as these occurances usually happen within the confines of the ladies' room. Feeling validated is the key. It's okay if I paid six grand for these...as long as the other women like them!
However, in Scottsdale, your six grand worth of boobies can potentially pay off in just one single evening!
"How?" you may ask.
Because a Michelob Ultra, in Scottsdale, is worth approximately 6 bucks.
This therefore makes any decent martini worth at least $11.
And I, although not up to Scottsdale chesty par, can put away at least 5 martinis and a few beers on a good night.
Which leads me to believe that these top-heavy women can do just the same, if not more, damage.
I am tired now, and not willing to do the math, but as you can probably calculate for yourself, it adds up quickly. Plus a tip. And you are well on your way to earning back those thousands, because obviously, with knockers like that, you are NOT paying for your own drinks.
I heart Scottsdale.

the VERY strange dream

2005-02-22T11:23:00.000-05:00

So. I just woke up and I woke up from the strangest dream. I got dropped off by a private jet, which was a huge bonus since we thought we were taking a bus. But I was the only one dropped off. And it was on this wooden platform floating above a huge expanse of ocean. I could see shoreline ahead and somehow knew it was the Cayman Islands. I was on my way there to get married, but now I was stuck on this platform above the ocean. I was too scared to jump because it looked so high. Then my future husband, who had this long brown hair walked by on the water (Jesus reference anyone?) and I didn't want him to get away so I jumped. The water was amazingly warm and I swam all the way to the islands without any trouble. We got to the shore and I was worried about my hair because of the salt water. We went to an outdoor salon where some girls were getting their nails done. They had a sampler tray of Aveda products made especially for salt water, but no store on the island actually sold Aveda products. My desicison was to take some of the sample product and run for the shower. Then I woke up.

tattoosday!

2005-01-19T16:35:00.000-05:00

here they are...in all their glory. I just want to say that these turned out even better than I was hoping they would. Everything I wanted done with such artistic precision. Simply perfect.
1. the establishing shot

2. the close ups

oh so...you know!

2005-01-17T23:15:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have had writer's block all month.
And in fact...I am sure great, interesting, and fun things have happened...so let's try a recap.

New Year's Eve

4 people
1 bottle of vodka
"I want to juggle your balls in my mouth!" screamed from the cab windows to passers-by
Search line to get in
Choads and toads of all sorts milling around
Missy's striptease dance outside Uno's
$5 Coors light tall cans
Astounding lines for the port-a-potties
Fog. In Phoenix. At 7am January 1, 2005.

Missy's Birthday (1.11.05)

Turning 24
Dirty Verde
Sleepy Missy
Everyone else parties until 4am or so.

In unrealted social news. I have found the love of my life. There is just one difference we need to surpass. He is wonderful in every way. Dresses well, has a nice house, mostly vegetarian, kindest person I have ever met, and downright gorgeous. If you have guessed the problem already...10 points! And he gave me Tiffany's for my birthday. (Don't tell anyone it was a regift! shhhhh) I will treasure it always. Okay. So you know who you are, and a bet other people know who you are too. And I know you realize that all this is typed to stroke your precious ego. I adore you and I do wish you were my gay boyfriend! *sigh*

In unrelated musical news. I am listening to Social Distortion.

And now, for the most exciting part of this post! MY BIRTHDAY!

January 18. (It's tomorrow. I know.)

This package came in the mail from my parents. It arrived on Wednesday of last week. It stated explicitly on the box..."Do not open until January 18, 2005." This kills me. It is like one of those "Do not touch" signs that just makes you touch whatever it is that is not supposed to be touched...just to see what happens. And the same fate was going to befall this present..."Wait until my birthday," I scoffed to myself. "Haha I laugh in the face of your sharpie commands!" And then something happened to distract me. And then something else apparently removed me from my apartment. And when I returned. A pile of laundry was where the package once was. Aside: In fact, the laundry (which was mine) was just covering the package. And being that I have the memory of a goldfish, the package was long forgotten. Today, it has been a week since said pile of laundry covered the package. And today, that same pile of laundry remains covering the package. But, I know it is there now, since I unearthed it trying to remove a jacket from the tangle of clothes. It is on my mind obsessively. If the above paragraph didnt' give you that idea, just know that I am thinking about that package right now. And now. And...yup still thinking about it. I keep thinking that since a certain someone known as my roommate ditched me for another certain someone known as her ex-boyfriend, that I should just open it now out of sympathy for myself. But, then, I do not pity party. We'll see if I make it to midnight. If anyone wants to come down and take me to the bar...alcohol killed the curiosity. Or whatever it is that they say.

And tomorrow. It's Tattoosday! Hooray for xanax and painkillers because 2 hours of sitting is torture for me. Many props to Brandyn for being up for 5 hours...you are a super trooper! Thanks for all the fun. XOXO.

red team go!

2004-12-18T22:25:00.000-05:00

Today. Since it's been a while, I have two stories.

1. The Team Hat Party
Jamie and I wanted fedoras, because we are the pimp! Our manager and maintenance staff wanted hats from the local university, boring. Then our regional manager gave us $10 whole bucks each to get matching hats and told us we could close the office and hit up the mall. Which we did. The day before the party. And we came out with, cammo trucker hats. Because we are the few, and the proud, and God forbid anyone else stick it out working at our property. We came in like fourth or something. Not even because of the hats, oh no, but because someone (not me) thought it would be a fab idea for us all to do an army-style cheer as we paraded our hatted heads around the party room. In addition to this self-depricating act, at the beginning of the awards ceremony, we also had to to a cheer for sigh our company...how great it is. Like those people at the top actually care that I am there leasing their crummy apartments so the owners are happy...whatever. In good party related news, there was an open bar. And the drinks were strong. So by the time I had been there three hours...well let's just say the hats weren't lookin' so bad.

2. My trip to visit my best friend Lindsay!
I got in late on Sunday night. There was potential for going out, but having worked all day and flown (which gives me anxiety) I was not really up for going out. So we crashed. And I got to spoon. *blush* Monday, we had fabulous fried tofu at this crazy little restaurant in this crazy big chinatown building with the fabulous boys (they know who they are). And we went to the Asian market afterword. And they sold strange things, like any Asian market really, but for some reason, today it seemed worse. I think the dried itty-bitty fish in a baggie is what did it for me. Then we were kinda lazy and stuff, like always, and sometime much later in the evening (after a few shots, okay a lot of shots) we were motivated to actually go out. And we went to the gay-ville. And this bar that is named something I can't remember. And I can't remember because I got so stinking drunk. It was grand. Either I knocked Linds down, or she knocked me down, but we fell. And she has battle wounds (my little peach). And I puked in the bathroom. Ahhh, no trip is complete without me making a drunk ass out of myself. And Tuesday I was hungover, and so was Linds. And we went to the mall, the one we always went to in grade school and high school. And it was very nostalgic since we had a group of like 6 people or so. I kept thinking I was going to have to call my mom for a ride...and then I remembered we are all WELL over the age of 16 and therfore very much capable of driving ourselves. Tuesday night dancing at the Copa. Tons of fun, much like my favorite local Hot Pink, but different music. Wednesday we watched movies all day and had a relaxing girly time. And then Thursday was the traditional lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant and off to the airport.
It was much too short I tell you.

p.s. In other good news. My friend Amber from Portland is coming in town TONIGHT!

good things come to those who spend...

2004-12-04T00:00:00.000-05:00

I went shopping today...hooray! At the Gap. I heart the Gap. My anonymous friend gave me a30% friends and family discount card...for the whole weekend! I can go back tomorrow...not that I will, but I could. This helps relieve some of the anxiety I am experiencing about this stupid holiday work party. I thought maybe I could just get out of going, but apparently if I do that, I have to stay by myself and keep the office open. fuck. that.
And it is a week from today. And we still haven't decided what kind of stupid hats will best represent our team. Heh. I still want fedoras. But as they say, 'there is no I in TEAM'
...
but
...
there is an M...and an E...for ME. not you.

So, I could have a relaxing night at home. No, I am going to the Hot Pink. "Lots of drinking, lots of dancing, lots of making out!"
I do have to celebrate my dear Linds' birthday, even though I can't be with her today. Baby, my heart is.
I will make out with someone for you tonight!

Stay tuned.

for. ever.

2004-12-01T14:14:00.000-05:00

since I last posted...due to no internet usage at work.
that it took this page to load.
since I have actually remembered a chiro appointment without missing it and getting the angry phone call
since I ran out of codeine cough syrup *hack hack*
amount of time it took Jamie's pictures to upload to yahoo.

ahhh...what's the use...without the internet at work I forget what I am bitching about. I leave the cave, come home to my nice cozy apartment, and *poof* memory gone. I guess I could call this a good thing, because if I could accurately remember the horrors of work from day to day you can bet your ass, sister, that I would never go back.
In other news, it is fucking cold here. This is the desert damnit...I moved here to get away from frostbite, gangrene, and other horrendous damaging effects of winter. We had a freeze warning last night. It isn't even getting this cold in San Francisco...why oh why am I not there? *sigh*

blog=neglected
lindsay=cold
december 12=linday+lindsay=love
december 20=mom+dad+staying in my house=*sigh*cleaning and no smoking. and. stress due to aforementioned conditions.
july 2005=move to NYC.

wow! that just went from pessimistic drivel to my goals for the year...and it's not even new years eve yet! Yea way to be ahead of things, me!

In more work related news. We are having a company Christmas (er. Holiday) party.
It is from 3-6pm...
the good news - we get to close the office early.
the bad news - it is a themed party
and the theme is "crazy hats"
and each property team must think up a hat theme that best represents their team.
My idea is to wear fedoras and a lotta bling bling. yea, that's about right.
oohh and the kicker...we are not allowed to bring friends or significant others, or even insignificant others. no one. just me and the people I already see 9 or so hours a day.

eehhh...I am off to buy my fedora.

Because You're Worth It!

2004-11-14T16:46:00.000-05:00

Work. Filing = done. Phone calls = none. Package room = organized.
Lindsay = Productive.

Today some group has rented out our clubhouse. I got solicited to go. Fortunately, I have to be at work. Right across from the clubhouse. So they gave me a flier and asked me to pop my head in with any questions.
The front of the flier reads: "Because You're Worth It!" (of course I am worth more than anything but...reading on.)
Inside, on the left, there is a small map directing people to the clubhouse that is directly across from my work.
The right side reads:

Turn your body into a fat fighting machine.

Erase years from your face.

Protect yourself from life-threatening health problems

and daily discomfort.

Come and see!

RELIV It will change your life.

Apparently this pill does goddamned everything. I want to lose weight, without exercising. I want years off my face, so that I get carded for 'R' rated movies again...(oh wait that still happens now). Fuck it, I want to look prepubescent again. So, fat fighting...check. Looking younger...check. Now, life threatening health problems and daily discomfort...if it cures a hangover it's good enough for me!

I really feel as though I am missing something important. heh. not really.

in the air, on the plane, going home

2004-11-08T14:36:00.000-05:00

I get the Anxiety when I fly. Yesterday I was on the plane and I made a new hobby. Harrassing the man next to me, who is trying to work on his laptop, as though I have the mental capacity of a six year old.
Scene 1: (man=M me=L)
[man typing on laptop. from my seat it looks like work.]
L: whatcha doin?
M: working.
L: oh. (long pause) what do you do?
M: [some] restaurant management [thing or another]
(editor's note: I would give more direct quote but honestly I didn't care and wasn't really listening)
L: is that important?
M: to some people.
At this point, I get bored and fall asleep for roughly an hour.
[plane is landing. landing is bumpy due to rainy weather.]
L:don't you think you should put that away? [referring to laptop]
M: I have to save this first.
[man puts away laptop. pulls out tic tacs]
L: can I have a tic tac?
[man gives me tic tac.]
L: thanks.
I proceed to ignore man and stare out the window, making sure my head is blocking any view he might have. I stay this way until we land. Man lets me get out of the aisle first.

Score: Lindsay-1 Man-0
booyakasha! respeck!

'Cause you gotta have faith...

2004-11-03T17:14:00.000-05:00

And apparently I had too much of it in the American people.

I was truly under the impression that Senator Kerry would take this presidential election. Not by a landslide or anything, but I really figured the American people would be sick of being hated by the rest of the world. Hated for a man who is blinded by his oil obession and ties to the industrialism of war. A man who, even in the face of missing WMD's, refused to even consider the possibility that he was wrong. I could go on and on, about how the world is not just black and white, about how Iraqis are people too, with lives, families, and children. And under our guise of "freeing the Iraqi people" we are destroying them. But, I won't. It just upsets me and causes unnecessary stress.

So, my fellow Americans, I welcome you to another four years of lies, deception, terror, and war. Support our troops...vote for the man who will keep them overseas. Thank you. And to you Mr. Bush. Congratulations on winning your first election.

Vote or DIE

2004-11-02T22:01:00.000-05:00

We had the polling station in the Clubhouse at my work today. I shit you not...over 2000 people went through. I left work at 6:30 and the line was about 3 hours long.
I personally waited 2 and a half hours. It should be vote and die (of ennui while waiting in line.)
But I made my voice heard, which means if this election doesn't go MY way, I can still bitch royally over the next 4 years. No vote. No voice.

So this whole polling station at my work today. It meant no actual work got done. In the morning we had muffins and coffee...the brilliants in line waiting to vote would ask us..."is that for us?" No fuckwad. The four of us that work here are going to eat over 200 mini muffins and drink over 60 cups of coffee.

For lunch. Pizza. 20 of the suckers and we had to pass the bitches out. But during the day people were grateful. They loved us for our soda pop, and water, and the pizza. But. By 5:30 or so, when we are trying to close up the office, they are banging on our doors, demanding coffee, trail mix, anything we had left. Not to mention when we had to tell them that if they parked in our reserved parking they would be towed. That was the real crowd pleaser. In all, a good day. Now I am hopelessly addicted to CNN. In fact, I can hear them talking now. I. Must. Go. Watch.

play with my dingaling

2004-10-25T22:42:00.000-04:00

Today at work the doorbell was possessed. It would ding, just once, not the full ding, on average...every 5 fucking minutes! I almost went insane.

In the good news department:

I found not one, but TWO full diet cokes on the ground.
I did not drink them.
I am rather suspicious they might be poisoned...
Soap will probably cure this.

It's my Friday night and I am ready to party. Supersonic styles!

The Spider

2004-10-24T18:05:00.000-04:00

Someone actually came into the office today. And it wasn't the resident who takes the better part of half of our candy jar.

He came in to rent an apartment, kindly sent in our direction by a sister property. Nothing out of the ordinary, I am sitting at my desk telling him about the specials, features of the apartment, and amenities of the community. And. I see it. Hanging out there like he was the king of cool. A big hairy scary-looking black spider. Just kicking it on my desk drawer. This drawer is not visible to potential resident but it is very close to me. And since it is now inhabited by a hairy black spider, uncomfortably close to me.

Spiders scare the pants off me. Especially if they are the jumping kind. And this little guy looks suspiciously like the jumping kind.

I totally choke in the middle of my "sales pitch." I almost lose it and run screaming from the room. I can't stop watching this spider out of the fear that if I look away, he will be on me when I look back. By now, with all the stuttering, poor guy renting an apartment home probably thinks I am insane.

I didn't tell him about the spider. I didn't want him to think we were some creepy bug infested apartment community. I swallowed hard, gave the spider a look, and finished my busniess. Even standing up to shake guy's hand and tell him to have a nice day. *At this point in time I am seriously 2 inches from the beast.*

Did I mention that I am uber-proud of myself? And now I am hiding in the back...far...far...away from my desk.

Beer v. Champagne

2004-10-23T16:46:00.000-04:00

Beer has it's value. It is cheap, gets you drunk, and usually stupid. Champagne, however, has special bubbles. Not like beer. They make you laugh, and sometimes fall off balconies on New Year's Eve.

I am not feeling the love today. K went home sick with the pregnancy. I've been busy as shit...Fuck I am never happy, eh? I bitch when there's nothing to do, I bitch when there is. But it's not me. It's the dumbasses that have the nerve to invade my office. I love people everyday. Happy face.

In the good news. My parents sent me this killer package from Australia. It was somewhat disappointing that the box did not contain a for real Australian aborigine, however I will live. I suppose. What it did have in it was:

an incense set. fucking beautiful
a handmade candle
a painted box (with real Australian money inside!)

and my favorite

a wooden bowl that looks like it was pulled straight from the heart of the tree

Up TOO early

2004-10-20T11:58:00.000-04:00

Today will be random thought day.
It would be killer if it was raining.
I just spent $100 on groceries yesterday, and I still don't have anything I want to eat.
My new friend Brandyn is the chronic. (to steal a quote.)
I am up wayyyyy to early for my day off.
The Faint is coming here Nov.17.
I am excited.
I am also ungodly tired.
I gotta comment from my favorite blogger.
Today is gonna be fab.
Dollar drinks tonight!
Short and sweet. Yeah.

Schpunday.

2004-10-17T17:00:00.001-04:00

I am miserable at work today for two reasons. A. Drank too much. 2. Drank too much.
Horribly fun evening last night though. And it seemed like a good idea...at the time. In all honesty, I can only blame myself for my condition today. However, a few annoying factors have not made the day any better. (I feel a list is in order, you?)

Maintenance did not come in this morning (or yesterday morning) and open the pools.
Or clean the grounds
I had to open the pools. When I came in. At. 11:30.
The resident that is sueing us is threatening to go door to door and get a class action suit going.
And had the nerve to ask if our manager was here. On. Sunday.
Some couple is breaking up and uberintelligent boyfriend comes barging in here "Did that little bitch sign off the lease?"
Do I know? Or care? Nope.

However, as time rolls on, the day is getting better. I am drinking water and orange juice. And. I have plans after work. What better to cure a hangover than to work on a new one for tomorrow? Oh yea, the sun is shining on my life now!

West Nile and Groceries

2004-10-16T20:14:00.000-04:00

I have two bug bites. One is on my left ankle, and it has been itching for two days. That is fine, mildly annoying, but fine. The other is on the back of my right elbow. I discovered it today getting out of the shower. This one does not itch. And therefore, I am convinced it will turn into the west nile virus. It's those unpredictable non-itchy ones I tell you. If I die. I will let you know.

I made a to do list for Tuesday. Not that Tuesday is special in any other respect than it it my day off. I have not been productive in any one of my last four days off, unless you count being in the protest and going to the debates. Which I do. But, nonetheless, it does not help me achieve greatness in my everyday life. This is why I made a list. Because, what I really want to do on Tuesday is drive up to Sedona and visit the vortexes (vorticies?). What I have to do is:

grocery shop
pay bills
request official transcripts from previous schools
mail in application with $70 application fee to the CUNY

Now, this all sounds inherently boring, but the last one will cause me an immense amount of anxiety. I really want to move to New York. In order to justify leaving my current job, good although boring, but with great benefits, I have to go back to sc hool. Thus, the application. Who knows how long it takes these people to get back to you once you apply. It could be months! I will be worrying the whole time. And then, what if I do get in? I will have to make plans to move, try to find a new, good, and part time job with decent pay, find a place to live that will let me keep my cats, and (this is probably worst of all) clean out my storage garage here. All this really adds up to a whole lot of anxiety. But change is good, yeah?

Grocery shopping...I am the world's worst grocery shopper. If I go when I am hungry, I buy far too much food. Junk food in particular. If I am not hungry, then I cannot justify buying any food. And I end up with soy ice cream bars, only. This time I am trying the list. Perhaps, if I have a list, if I am hungry, I can force myself to stay within the confines of the list no matter how tempting the cookie isle is. And if I am not hungry, I will still be able to tell myself that, sometime, in the not so distant future, I will be hungry, and will want to cook all the yummy veggies that are piled in my cart.

My List so Far:

bread
soymilk
soy yogurt
cereal
fruit
veggies
potatoes

I am unable to determine the correct placement for the potato in the categories above. I know it is not a fruit, but I don't really think it is vegetable either. Any thoughts?

In other news, my favorite band today is the Killers.

My biggest pet peeve is people who say preferably wrong, as in "preefer-ably."

Not in Jail

2004-10-14T13:48:00.000-04:00

So, I am not in jail. The protest was uneventful as protests go. No violence, which was good. A bunch of shouting, more police than protesters, a gigantonormous Geroge Bush puppet, lots of the gay, and lots of creative sayings on signs. My friends and I got many compliments on our teeshirts.

We arrived on top of the library where the CNN tent was set up around 5pm. There we were confronted with a pod of about 50 Bush supporters, who thought it fitting to yell such meaningful statements as, "Republicans are HOT!" and "Democrats are communists!" We were thouroughly discouraged. Yea. Right. Maybe we just all thought "No Blood for Oil!" and "1..2..3..4..Equal rights and nothing more!" were more pertinent sayings...just maybe. But their comebacks did have a bit of sting. "Go home to your mother's basement and shower, you filthy hippies." was my favorite I think. Because personal hygiene has so much to do with politics and foreign policy and gay rights.

In other news, I got ditched by my ride at the protest. And therefore didn't make it home until after 3am. And therefore am very tired today. Very. Tired. Thus, the blogging at work, since sitting at my desk doing nothing like usual will make me pass out today.

I want Moe's for lunch.

The Great Debate

2004-10-13T13:30:00.000-04:00

Today is the day! The third and final presidential debate is happening...right here in Tempe! This is like Christmas. I have tickets to the Kerry pre-debate party, debate watch, and post debate rally. With the Foo Fighters.

My friend Jason and I made teeshirts. They are anti-Bush. I have heard rumors about people being arrested for their anti-Bush teeshirts. I have this great envisionment of me and my friends, being pulled away from the group of only mildly active activists. Pulled by overly agressive cops, disguised from humanity by face masks, riot gear, and billy clubs. Twisting our arms around, making a big scene. Yelling intelligent opressed activist-isms such as "Fuck you, you can't take away my rights! What about freedom of speech?" And then being loaded on a big paddy wagon with other enemies of the state. All refusing to speak until we can have our lawyers present. Sitting in jail for days martyred for our stubborn refusal to play their game. For standing up for the rights of humanity and the common man. (insert shaking fist in air)

In reality. We will wear our shirts. March in the march. And if anyone questions us, we will run.

My next post might be from jail. I will let you know.

The Vine

2004-10-12T05:32:00.000-04:00

So normally, a Monday night at The Vine is a relaxing time. If by relaxing you mean hundreds of college-age coeds madly consuming one dollar u-call-its. Tonight, however, proved to be the best so far (and I have been going to this bar for like 3 years) So, things are progressing nicely, I have a few drinks, see some folk and go outside to smoke with them. Now, I don't smoke (usually), but you have to go outside to smoke and since most people I know do smoke, I spend a considerable amount of time on the patio. There was this kid out there, drinking a bloody mary. We shall call him "The Boot." Now The Boot is not what I would call a fine specimin of the male persuasion. He has tobacco stained fingers from years of rolling his own menthol Top tobacco cigarettes, a D12 teeshirt, and something that would closely resemble jeans had they not been torn stained and nasty. I didn't even get around to looking at his shoes, which is rare for me since shoes are high on my priority list. However, the top half was just too apalling. So The Boot is telling some story of how he moved here from Chicago and spent 1200 bucks in 2 weeks. Bummer for you, shoulda thought more about that crack purchase. So, now he is here at The Vine, which would be okay since he could probably still afford some dollar drinks. Or at least this is what I am thinking. This is not the case. He is drinking the drinks left behind by people too drunk to remember which was theirs and instead of drinking the unknown, return to the bar to buy a new one. Ick. Nasty. Never ever. Anyhow, The Boot is still talking avidly about himself, to which no one is listening. Or at least I am not. Then I happen to hear this phrase..."I'll drink anything. I'll drink out of a boot." Hence, the name.

Well, even better than this, The Boot has a friend. This friend is even dirtier than him, and has one dread in the back of his head of which he is inexplicably proud. He keeps trying to make me touch it. My new friend Brandyn (The Jew, God love him) tells Dirtball we are together. This gets me off the hook. My friend Karly uses the "I'm married" route, which is true, but not very helpful. Dirtball is wearing pants at least 10 sizes too big for him, and a teeshirt a couple of sizes too small. This, in effect, creates the nappy pube region show. How. Disgusting. He is sharing the bloody mary with The Boot. They keep trying to lick my roommate's neck.

I am thinking this is the day of dirty people who don't know how to bathe, or shave, or shave while bathing.

Somewhere near the end of the bloody mary, Dirtball, who is so drunk he can barely stand, dribbles the drink all over himself and the ground. I think he choked on the pepper or something that had settled to the bottom of the glass, because he ended up hacking bloody mary bits on my poor friend, who was standing nearby innocently. It was a shame.

And as we were leaving, Dirtball almost got hit by a car, and then I think he might have puked on some business-ey looking guys.

I Heart Moe's!

2004-10-11T21:43:00.000-04:00

Moe's just opened down the street.
I have eaten there 3 times since Saturday. Or once a day, if you will, since I discovered it. I have already earned my free taco! Lame, very lame I know.
Moe's has the greatest burritos, tacos, and salads ever! I love tacos, and since becoming vegan, it is very hard to find a good taco. Moe's has tofu tacos...mmm...with black beans, and pico, and guac. They have fresh jalepenos. They have a salsa bar...and I just discovered today that they have "Moe Mondays" and you can get a burrito, chips, and a drink for only 5 bucks! It is so fabulous I could go on for hours!
Moe's was the best thing that happened at work today.
The other things that happened at work today...

I told everyone about my fight with the filing cabinets yesterday.
I got laughed at.
I assigned some parking spaces and was somewhat productive for about 10 minutes
The maintenance team ate all the leftovers from the continental breakfast on Saturday
I drank too much soda
I toured a group of people who smelled like poo. Story to follow...

They came in, they were weird. The one had these thick-ass glasses that made her look like she had a lazy eye on one side, or maybe that her head was crooked. But then I realized, no, she wasn't misshapen, there was just a huge chunk of tape on the left side of the glasses holding the lens into the frame. Okay. Broken glasses, I can relate. Then the friend is yammering away while I am trying to give my spiel about the "features" and "amenities" our community has to offer. And she's not saying anything productive, or even asking questions about the community that she would know the answers to had she been listening to my speech. No, she is there, while I am trying to educate her friend on the benefits of having a 3rd floor apartment, telling me how annoying she is...She keeps saying "No really, I am very annoying." Now at this point, she is being very annoying, but what do you say to that? "Yes you are. Can you please put a lid on it so I can get glasses here a new home?" So, I just smile politely and continue. So we go on the tour and I am pointing out the various aforementioned features and amenities...and going up the stairs to the apartment, something stinks. Like poopy diapers. This is not completely unheard of, as sometimes our careless residents leave trash on their balconies and thus require nasty "from the managment team" notices. I think nothing of it and we continue walking and talking. Inside the apartment, which I personally freshened this morning, the stench is worse. I almost pass out. How this funk escaped me in my office is beyond me. But lemme tell you as soon as they left I emptied the lysol disinfecting. Thank heaven today is my friday.

And I will be at the debates on Wednesday. I am hoping there are still tickets left to the simulcast at wells fargo arena, on the jumbotron! I am planning on doing my research and artistically designing a huge, colorful, and witty anti-Bush poster. We will see how that goes, but I can see brand spanking new Crayola markers in my very immediate future. And that will be worth all the while!

so work is over.

2004-10-10T19:10:00.000-04:00

Soooo...work is finally over. However, I do have one story left to tell from today.

I got in a fight. With the file cabinets. Now, on a normal day we don't get along very well. On Sunday, all bets are off. Fucker. See, on Sunday, I have to do all the filing that everyone else in the office could easily do, as they work. Simply pulling open the drawers and sticking the papers in the appropriate folder. However, it seems easier to just stack them all on top of the filing cabinet and call it my responsibility to do over the weekend. So, as per my list earlier, filing is always on my mind on Sunday. I finally get around to it today, and let me just give you a quick background on the filing cabinets at my work. They are full beyond belief...in fact, if their cheap metal frames were capable of bulging outward, they would. So, I have these stacks of papers that have to fit in with all the other papers that are popping out of folders precariously throughout the cabinet. Let me just remind you that I am soft, and these cabinets are hard, and the experience is something akin to trying to pry open a very stubborn keyring. Let me just also explain that I happen to be on the short side, and by short I mean that whenever I feel too lazy to do something, I simply wave my arms over my head and pretend that I can't reach. This works very well for maintaing the radio system, needing anything in the kitchen, or having to put away dishes. Anyway, on with the battle. So, in order to reach into the top drawer I have to stand on my toes. I am standing on my toes, trying to pry apart a space between folders, and the thing bites me. No really, I swear, full on I have a cut on my knuckle. My damn fingers got caught in this death trap of papers and I am shaking the whole thing to get it out, and when I pull my hand out of the drawer it snags on some metal bracket on one of the folders, and I am bleeding. So I run to the back office, swearing, and vowing to never talk to it again. (have I mentioned that I work alone on Sundays? and I have the tendancy to give human abilities to the inanimate objects in my office in order to have friends at work...but only on Sunday) So I end up pouting in the back office, singing "All by Myself" until I realize I only have a half hour to go and I still need to close everything up, finish the filing so I don't get in trouble when everyone comes back on Monday, and enter in all my shit from the week. Stupid filing cabinet.

things to do tomorrow

talk about the re-re kid that lives behind the office
pay extravagant victoria's secret bill
not eat, in order to accomplish above
find someone for whom to wear the new items that created the extravagant victoria's secret bill

in the last 30 minutes...

2004-10-10T16:52:00.000-04:00

in the last thirty minutes since I wrote the first post...oh so much has happened.

started biting nails, now have none left and a bleeding pinky where a hangnail used to be.
thought about doing the filing...
answered a phone call for a work order
thought about typing work order
looked up ennui on google
ennui is my favorite word this month
put work orders in numerical order
thought about getting up to file them
read fabulous blog, also with ennui in the title (found on google)
thought about entering work order
wondered what everyone with the day off is doing
thought about beer and hot sex
called someone I probaly shouldn't have....
thought about doing the filing...again
compared my watch to the clock...same time

yes, folks, I am telling you this is a day to not forget...

Sunday or A Week Within a Day...

2004-10-10T16:22:00.000-04:00

Can any day of the week really be longer than Sunday? This is supposed to be a day of rest, relaxation, extensive football watching forced upon us by my roommate's boyfriend. God forbid I have to work for four hours every Sunday. I get no beer here, no nachos with vegan cheeze sauce, did I mention no beer? See, now even if I were to get out of bed early enough to join the morning festivities, is it really worth it? I tell you no, since I will just be ironing my shirt while jealously watching my friends crack open the suds and mow on leftover tacos. Fuckers, all of them. So, Sunday starts with me laying on my bed, ignoring the chatter and whoops from below. Doesn't the world care that no one else has to work on Sunday? Okay, so that could really be further from the truth...but come on. Every Sunday, I sit in the back office, hiding like a bear hides in a cave. Please no residents, or at least no angry residents. I can't believe the number of people who try to have major accomplishments over the weekend. Is it that hard to believe that they just put a peon like myself here on the weekend? Is a manager REALLY going to come in on a Sunday? Let me answer that for you, NO! So if you have a major problem, come back Monday through Friday 9am to 6pm, when the important staff is here, otherwise, fuck off! I got nothing for you. Anyway, so I sit here, from 12-4 and count the minutes until I am off. It really makes the day drag. And so by the time I am home, the friends are uselessly drunk on the couch. This means I make them food, they nap, recover, I watch Sunday night HBO early since we get the east coast channel. And since Sunday is famous for cheap drinks...the night begins anew. It is like a week within a day...seriously.